de Maria Bîrsan
Codependence comes in one’s mind like a weed. Even if one is a really healthy person, if they do not check themselves regularly, the weed will grow and change every feeling into fear.
A relationship can be easily wearied by one’s need of validation, need that arises from the codependent state of mind. We are not discussing the causes that led one to think they are not good enough, because there could be many or none as well. We’re setting out to describe the phenomenon that occurs when the relationship and the codependence mirror each other. The self sits between those two and decides where to conduct one’s actions – should the weed get sturdy enough, the actions will migrate to the codependence side and will enter a loop of fear, because one’s actions won’t be made voluntarily out of love, but with the purpose of not ending up alone.
This pandemic, one lays more than ever between the mirrors. This time, due to the isolation, the codependence is getting closer to the self. We can observe that it never adapts, instead it demands physical contact, perpetual validation over the same things and, most of all, no criticism at all. The relationship requires space, support and availability. Because the elements are so different, one will search inside the relationship for the elements that make up codependence, as they did before. Before, though, the elements were kind of melting with one another. Now, having arrived at a crippling state of anxiety because of the weed, one will finally have to check themselves; to check everything – and it will be horrible.
One will have to fool the weed to believe nothing changed.
One will sleep.
One will fuck.
One will invite codependence to take part in every household adventure.
And when the weed will be tired enough, one will rip it off.
One will breathe properly. There is again only one mirror.